My therapy

It's been two a half months since she moved out. It's been almost 4 since my wife of 5 years said she wanted a divorce. Things have been tough, to say the least. We share custody of our amazing 3 year old daughter, Savannah and I have the dogs. My soon to be ex-wife (that would be the first time I've referred to her as such) has been about as kind as you could possibly hope for. If I want extra Savannah time, she's great with it; I was really depressed about Thanksgiving and she made sure I had Savannah this time. It isn't perfect, but it's something.

During these past few months, I have faced a lot of questions, and thoughts; most of which I just can't seem to get out of my head, thoughts that wake me up in the middle of the night most nights. I thought getting them down would help, so you don't have to read any further. I appreciate your support, but this blog is for my sanity more than anything.

The first thought is dealing with me no longer having a family. A family is all I have ever wanted in this world. My parents were so amazing and set such a high standard for parenting that all I ever wanted was to be able to measure up to their kindness, devotion and love. Even now, they invite me over for dinner, and out for golf, constantly checking on me. Now, with things different, I have often thought of my family as gone; done. It's the hardest part of this, especially as I am hanging Christmas lights alone.

My family isn't gone, though, is it? Like so much of life things change, and so has my family. I have my daughter, who daily shows me how to live and teaches me more than I could ever teach her. I have 3 dogs...do I really need more? I mean, where's the line of getting greedy, huh? I may not be like my parents, but you will never find someone who loves their little girl more than I, and for now, that's something.

My other thought that seems to creep its way in my head is what exactly you are supposed to do when you find out you simply aren't enough for someone. Make no mistake, I hold no animosity toward her, but what do you say when the person I married tells me I'm simply not enough to make her happy. It's a hard thing to live with, and one that keeps me in bed just a little longer every morning. If I'm not enough for her, can I be enough for anyone?

Another thought is kinda a selfish one; what do I do now? I find myself closing the doors on the world, and not wanting to get out. It's all part of the process, I suppose, but how do I get over such a thing? I can't seem to pick my life up and move on. I simply don't know who I am or how to take that first step back into society, now as a single parent that is a divorcee. That first step is what it takes, but it's that first step that seems to allude me.

And, have we talked about dating? I break into cold sweats at the thought of downloading a dating app, let alone trying to make a real connection. I get I'm not ready, but should I be? Will I ever be? My guess is 'yes' but it's kinda murky right now. So, for now, the thought of connecting with someone will have to stay a dream. I think, for now, it's more important to find out how to take that first step into a much larger world.

So, if you are still reading, you have to be ready to jump off a bridge. Or, maybe you have some similar feelings. In the end, I have Savannah, and I am beyond greatful for her and the blessing to my life she is. That is enough, for now.

Besides, I have some Christmas decorations to put up.

Just sitting here, thinking of writing

The whole purpose behind my repurposed blog is to get me some writing, and maybe some other writers can relate or maybe even comment and give advice.

So, I'm sitting here, dying to write. I literally don't have any clue what the next sentence will be, but I'm craving the writing. Does that happen to anyone else? I feel complete when I'm writing. Savannah is asleep, and my wife is at Target, so, it's very quiet at the moment, and I'm sitting here, just craving to write. I read recently that writing every day will help your creativity and make all your blogs better. It can't hurt, right?

My job consists of being creative. I am in charge of the online marketing and e-commerce for a fiberglass supply company. I love my job like crazy. But, it's not easy, because there is no advice for what I do. I make blogs and social media campaigns with no budget and a lot of expectations, so, after a long day, it's tough to write, but lately, I'm dying to release my creativity.

My daughter and my wife are inspiring. I feel like every day I just go to work, I'm not doing enough. I want to remake the world for them. When my little girl looks at me, I feel like everything just makes sense. My wife doesn't even have to look at me, I just want to be better for her.

So, here I am, dying to write, with no ideas on what to write, but I can't let my ladies down; I will write and I will succeed, and someday down the line, this blog will be a full time job for me. Until then, I'm going to go check on my princess and promise her that I will make this world better. For her.

ShellyK - boating for a lifetime

Prologue -

At 16 days old, I was on a boat. From the earliest memories on, most of my fondest and strangest memories take place on the family boat. From my 9th birthday, to family trips to marinas all over the state, my favorite stories involve boating. I give boating full credit for my family being as close as it is, but with some of my stories, you have to wonder how. I suppose bonding over everything from days at the beach to harrowing sinkings has made us stronger than we ever could without our trusty, floating piece of entertainment. I want to make one thing very clear; every memory I ever have on a boat is a treasured one, and one that I hope to keep with me forever. I can't thank my parents enough for exposing me to so many wonders, because it's made me who I am today.

The Shelly K -

The first vessel to bare the monicer "Shelly K." The name came from my sister and I, "Shelly," which was my sisters name before she decided at the ripe old age of 5 that she was too mature for that nickname, and "K" for me, Kevin. I am not sure how I got the short end of the stick with only one letter, but that's life, right? The boat was a 23 foot Formula Thunderbird with an 8 cylinder 350 engine (which, if I remember right, my dad built, and I remember a time where it caught on fire in the driveway). Anywho, it had a small little cuddy cabin with a port-a-potty.

The fist Shelly K was possibly the sturdiest of the boats I can remember. My first memories of boating are on this boat. I remember fishing from the Skyway, and getting stuck at Picnic Island. My dad and I were bonding when I was really young, and he was trying to teach me to fish, when the boat wouldn't start. We had a police officer take us in. I remember it because the officer was so nice, and apparently I was scared (it was my first time I was stuck on a boat) that the officer hand-coughed my dad as a joke and let me work the siren (which was awesome!).

What I want: A Reintroduction

So, it's been nearly 3 years since I've written on this blog. It may be no coincidence my last post was right before my daughter came out. No one said being a parent would be so hard! Maybe next time, give me a heads up or something. That being said, some amazing moments have happened in the last three years. I have so much to share with you, and I want to use this blog to share those stories and develop my writing and make a blog I can be proud of. At the same time, I want to connect with other writers and share that journey, too. It may be a lot to ask, but let's get started anyway.

Now, expanding writing isn't just like working out and building that muscle. While that is a part of it, the bigger part is to build an audience. That audience, I want to come here and read something entertaining, endearing, and maybe something inspiring. I want this to be a place where I can talk to other writers and people going through similar issues and we can grow together. Life is a crazy, fun, insane ride and I don't want to miss any of it.

My voice is a combination of my inner movie geek meeting my outer dad self, all with a large helping of sarcasm. My daughter is feisty and just like her mother, so between the two of them, I am usually outnumbered, but there will never be a shortage of content.

Let's hope it won't be another 3 years before another post...