Movie Review - Machete

Danny Trejo is back as Machete, the character first seen in a mock trailer between flicks for the movie Grindhouse was so popular, they turned it into a real film. As far as ideas for a movie go, it isn't the most bizarre (they made a movie about a ride at Disney World), it is a bit backward. As much fun as the original trailer was, the full length version can't live up to that kind of fun, can it? Let's put it this way, if you like cheesy, over the top movies, this film is your Citizen Kane.

Robert Rodriguez had finished Desperado, and this was the next logical conclusion, apparently. A movie starring Danny Trejo as a Machete wielding outlaw, crossing blades with a Mexican Steven Segal, along with a side of Robert DeNiro, Michelle Rodriguez, Jessica Alba, Don Johnson, Cheech Marin and Lindsey Lohan. The cast listing alone should be enough to get you laughing, and intrigued, but if it isn't enough, the body count, or the grindhouse feel will send you over the top.

It's at this point I would talk about the plot, but does it really matter Segal's druglord character killed Machete's family, and he's out for revenge, in the middle of an immigration debate, scratch that, war? The answer is no, it does not. All you need to know is Machete does not text, Machete kills people, he will show people they messed with the wrong Mexican.

The acting was way, way over the top, which was perfect for this movie. Rodriguez finally found an avenue for Alba's lack of acting skill, where she fit right in with the terrible Segal. I mean, if her acting isn't enough to bring laughter to you, then Segal's horrifically wonderful Mexican accent, which is a cross between a bad Segal impression and Speedy Gonzalez will do it. Oh, and Lohan is topless, you can put that in the "win" column, too.

This movie was everything Grindhouse hoped to be, with it's hard editing, the crappy reel projection, '70's music, and ridiculous camera angles, except this movie went way past all that to deliver something that had me laughing from beginning to end. It's the best homage to exploitation films you will find, but be sure you can take the gore and nudity, it isn't for the faint of heart. And, seriously, Machete goes after someone with a bladed weed whacker. I know, awesome, right?

EDITORS NOTE: It's also on SpoilerTV and Creative Loafing!