Love, Death, Taxes and everything in between

I am recently married, as you all know. It's been three and a half amazing months, which still puts me in the newly married column. I am not sure what the exact amount of time is to move you to the 'married' column, but I guess I'll figure that out. Anyway, things have been going really well. Both my bride and I have tried to work really hard at making our relationship the best it can be in stressful times, and I can say that new feeling in a relationship still hasn't gone away. Today, I figured out my first problem with being in a relationship with the one, true love of my life.

We have lived together for nearly a year, and been together longer than that. I wake up next to my beautiful wife; easily the highlight of my day; I kiss her goodbye as we leave for work, and when I get home, I kiss her on the way in before doing our evening ritual. If you're noticing a pattern, then you're good, because it's something that doesn't really hit you until something happens that points it out to you. Today, that happened to me.

At my place of employment, there is an older lady I've known for a few years now. We exchange pleasantries at the elevator, and as we pass in the hall. She's come to me for assistance a few times and now knows my name. There is something that has remained unspoken between us, however, that everyone in the office knows about, and it's her husband. Her husband has been in the hospital for years, suffering from liver failure, amongst several other things. It's a tragic, horrifying tail of one man losing the quality of life over several years. It's hard to hear, and I have never discussed it with my coworker, who has remained stronger than I could ever be. Sadly, today, my coworkers husband of over 20 years passed away.

I never knew the guy, and I am one who doesn't let the death of someone I've never even met affect me. I deal with death a hundred times a day in my job, and as such, have developed a bit of insensitivity for it. So, you would think the death of someone I didn't know, related to a coworker I barely talked to would just pass through one ear and out the other. Strangely, you would be wrong.

I'm not sure if it was the news being heard the same time I got a text that said "I love you" from my wife, or if I'm just getting sensitive in my old age, but this one bothered me. Here, this older lady had to watch the person she loved more than anything slowly die. When he finally passed, she is now left in a big house they recently bought, alone. It's a sad thought, but never one I contemplated until now.

My wife is my world. She makes me happy when I'm sad, she is my biggest fan, and supports me in everything I do. She is a passionate, loving woman, and I have said everyday that I'm the luckiest guy in the world. But, with the news this morning, I put myself in my coworkers shoes, standing in a house, alone. I never do that. My shoes are comfortable enough, I don't like trading, and here I am, fighting back the horrible feeling of being left without the one I love.

It's a nasty thought, and that is when it hit me; the problem with getting married, or really just close to the one you love is that you realize that there is no possible way you could live without them. Love is the forbidden fruit that once you eat it, there is no turning back. It's a poison that kills your love for independence and makes you realize that the life you had, on your own before, can never be returned to. It frankly, makes the thought terrifying because those simple moments of kissing your wife goodbye in the morning, or making dinner with them could be gone the very next day.

I guess, this incredibly long-winded blog could've been condensed to say that you really do have to cherish those moments, because they could be gone at anytime. The thought is terrifying and I hope it doesn't happen to anyone, especially me, because that person that existed pre-wife is long gone, and is never coming back, and I would be lost without her.