Wednesday, April 8, 2009

I was blind, but now I see.

So, I was going through some articles on IMDB today, and saw an article entitled "tv characters that were probably serial killers" which, of course, begged to be clicked. What I found opened my eyes, it talks about how the likes of Wilson, from Home Improvement, Steven Urkel, and Danny Tanner, amongst others were actually serial killers. It got me thinking if there was any other characters from my childhood that could've been serial killers, hiding right under my nose.
Here's the link: http://www.spike.com/blog/top-7-sitcom/75698
Now, to my ideas:
  1. Mr. Rogers. That's right, now hear me out. The guy always started off by coming in and .... ...that's right, changing clothes. Did you ever wonder why? It's because he was disposing of the evidence. The blood-soaked shoes he wore would get in the way of driving that creepy trolly-thing. And, anyone who has an evil-king dictator just begs creapy.
  2. Fozzy the Bear. The comedy routine is just a cover up. He doesn't like it when you don't laugh at his jokes. You never see Fozzy get upset, that's because, like many others, he bottles it up until the anger overflows into a murderous rage. He is the one who contacted the frog-hitman in the original Muppet Movie.
  3. Sponge. He originally went to summer camp at Camp Onnawanna, where Salute Your Shorts was filmed. Sponge, however, didn't like Budnick and the rest of the campers. Did you ever wonder why the show ended? That's because there was no one left alive. This is the origins of the Jason mythos, it's not some hockey-masked guy, it was sponge, promptly killing Deana, Tori, Budnick, and lastly, Donkeylips. Unfortunately, Kevin "Ug" Lee was not one of the victims, he is the one who kept bringing back campers to their doom, hence the reason why we have so many Jason movies.
  4. Carmen Sandiego. That's right, Carmen Sandiego was a mass murderer. Why do you think people were always looking for her? I just wanna know why you have one of the countries worst seriel killers on the loose, and you hire a couple kids who don't know where Brazil is to find her. I'll give you a secret, though. Carmen Sandiego was just the chief lady with a hat...it's ok, it is our secret. And, while we're on it, Carmen's brother is also famous, his name is Waldo....people are looking for him to in relation to several of Carmen's murders.

Are there any famous mass-murderers hiding in plain sight that I missed? Bill Cosby, that British chick from Guts, or what about Ted, from Hey Dude, I mean, he did leave for awhile.....

2 comments:

Nate said...

Glad you liked my article! I was wondering why the traffic for it jumped up so much, I can't even find it on IMDB...

Kevin said...

I loved the article, I had everyone in my office cracking up reading it to them.